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Post by anacrusis on Aug 2, 2006 21:46:10 GMT
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Post by Steve Hopwood on Aug 21, 2006 10:28:16 GMT
Anacrusis, the kids will love this one An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. One of the undertakers strode up to provide comfort in this sombre moment. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit. The undertaker apologized and explained that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black, but he'd see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulled back the curtain, she managed to smile through her tears as Albert was resplendent in a smart blue suit. She said to the undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?" "Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in & he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit," the undertaker replied. The woman smiled at the undertaker. He continued, "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads"
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Post by princessmoose on Aug 21, 2006 10:35:19 GMT
Ugh .
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Post by Steve Hopwood on Aug 25, 2006 9:23:54 GMT
Not a dreadful joke this time. Tara sent me this email earlier; I wonder where the sub-editors were:
Genuine Headlines: Eye Drops Off Shelf Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Kids make nutritious snacks Stolen painting found by tree Lung cancer in women mushrooms Queen Mary having bottom scraped Dealers will hear car talk at noon Miners refuse to work after death Milk drinkers are turning to powder Drunk gets nine months in violin case Juvenile Court to try shooting defendant Complaints about NBA referees growing ugly Panda mating fails; veterinarian takes over Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers 12 on their way to cruise among dead in plane crash Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted 2 sisters reunited after 18 years at checkout counter Man eating piranha mistakenly sold as pet fish Astronaut takes blame for gas in spacecraft Quarter of a million Chinese live on water Include your children when baking cookies Old school pillars are replaced by alumni Grandmother of eight makes hole in one Hospitals are sued by 7 foot doctors Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests Two soviet ships collide, one dies Enraged cow injures farmer with axe Lack of brains hinders research Red tape holds up new bridge Squad helps dog bite victim Iraqi head seeks arms Hershey bars protest
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Post by Steve Hopwood on Aug 30, 2006 20:36:51 GMT
The elderly "Father of three"! He was 80, she was 20. It was the talk of the town when they got married. A year later she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse who congratulated the old geezer said: "You are amazing! How do you do it at your age?" "You got to keep that old motor running," he said with pride. The following year the young bride gave birth again. "Wow," says the nurse. "You certainly are quite the man. How do you keep doing it?" Same answer: "Just got to keep the old motor running." A year later, along comes baby number three. The nurse remarks: "Still got that old motor running, eh?" "Sure do," he says. The nurse tells him: "Well, you better change your oil. This one's black!!"
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Post by Steve Hopwood on Sept 7, 2006 17:17:33 GMT
t doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty The Bathtub Test "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
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Post by YetAnotherKlavierist on Sept 7, 2006 18:26:01 GMT
'Knock knock' 'Who's there?' 'British Gas' 'British Gas Whom?' 'British Gas - I've come to read your meter.'
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Post by princessmoose on Sept 7, 2006 18:26:42 GMT
Did you make that up yap?!
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Post by YetAnotherKlavierist on Sept 7, 2006 18:27:51 GMT
Yes, years ago. Do you like it?
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Post by princessmoose on Sept 7, 2006 18:29:49 GMT
No ROFL .
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Post by YetAnotherKlavierist on Sept 7, 2006 18:31:18 GMT
OK, how about this one:
'Knock knock' 'Who's there?'
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Post by princessmoose on Sept 7, 2006 18:31:59 GMT
What? ROFL
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Post by YetAnotherKlavierist on Sept 7, 2006 18:33:46 GMT
Someone playing knock and go run....
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Post by princessmoose on Sept 7, 2006 18:37:15 GMT
Oh dear oh dear!
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Post by Trebor on Sept 7, 2006 18:58:45 GMT
These are great, YAP.
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